Munch

About a month ago a french guy, F, moved in to our house. we'd had a rule that no one can smoke while C who doesn't smoke, is eating. F said he hates smoking inside and this was the beginning of the story of us smokers, losing the battle and had to go out. In other hands apparently non smokers don't mind the smell of spliff. So now the rule is to smoke spliff inside and cigarets outside. You cannot imagine how much I hate smoking outside when it is not warm.

Two weeks ago an italian guy came to our house and stayed till he'd find a place. His english is not great and after 2 years I found someone whose english is worse than me. I've tried to compensate the amount of talk I haven't had. I talk with him hours every night.
Today he said: You eat more than you speak!!!!!


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You will make my day if you give me any suggestions to make this writing better. 

Retail makes you hate people*

I was working in away-stand at Amex stadium in Brighton. The away team was Millwall, notorious for its hooligan fans. I was working at a till when a group of five lads came to me and asked for beer. Until it got ready one of them started chatting, asked if I was from Brighton. I said yes, made a big mistake. Are you gay mate? he asked. No I'm not, I answered.
-come on You're gay.
--No I'm not.
-How many dicks have you had in your ass. five? he insisted, the peculiarity was so high that all of my co-workers turned their face and avoided to get engaged.
I wanted to say including your head? Unfortunately He was a customer and customer is always right. So a grin loomed up on my face and I became happy-go-lucky. way more than that mate, I answered.
I gave them their order. They didn't leave though.
-how many?
--I told you, more than you Imagine. My blood was boiling but my face was happy.
he kept going on about it and I was insisting that I'd had more than even he could imagine.
-Oh, you are a bender mate. he said.- He changed his mind but I didn't-
--Nah mate, I am a taker, I told you.
They left.

 Today I read this: The Hope of being relieved gives him the courage to suffer

* My friend once said


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You will make my day if you give me any suggestions to make this writing better. 

It could have been mean

I was sitting in the library, drowned in my notes. I heard someone said blaourghihiah jlk. I turned left he was looking at me. I said sorry!! He stared and said nothing. I turned back and continued my work. Where are you form?, he asked.  Iran, I answered. Ohh you look bloody indian, he said in a very Indian accent. I turned towards him to say: is there anyone in India as hairy as I am? I saw his spotless head, sparkling as a mirror. I gulped down my words and smiled.

closet

Every charismatic intelligent man or in another word every legend I am jealous of, is gay. It is time for me to come out of the closet, I suppose.

Still you can hear it

I log in to my Facebook. it is Valentine day. There is a picture of a sofa full of heart on my new feed from my cousine.
He is looking at the computer cause I am gonna show him a photo.
This is a Valentine picture for a Mum. He says it with a smirk as We've been making fun of people who buy stuff like love pill or heart cushion for Valentine.
No this one is different her mum's gonna die in a month or two. I remark, without even turning to see him to not make him feel bad.
It is one of the moments you realise what awkward silent means. I genuinely hear him saying SHIT without even him saying it. Like the time one TV programs, they put beep on someone's voice when he says fuck or mute it for a sec. Still you can hear it.

sexist language

In this country when a miss comes to the power
all she does is misleading
all she understands is misunderstanding
and your fortune becomes misfortune.
Then you realize you missed the previous ones.

Today's lesson

If you try to make the sound from front of your mouth most of the words sounds english cause you wouldn't be able to make some sounds you make in your mother tongue language or it would be hard to make them.

Observations of a mad man

he was shouting on the phone. he was shouting something like if you want to see me you could come I would wait for you. then he stopped. after a minute he shouted
- but you, but you. listen dont talk IT'S MY TURN.

They love being in a queue.

wash your eyes

Turning in to 32 means you have dealt with loads of things in your life. like hearing mustachio does not suit you, I dont like this style of your hair or ... I have been ignoring these kind of comments almost all of my life.

Some may say that if one makes these comments again and again there must be something behind that- Possibly not growing mustachio or not bla,bla.
I'm saying to those: how about interpreting my ignorance as if it is non of their business? I'm just saying.

beggary

Leaving in a poor country means dealing with beggars everyday and being doubtful where your money's gonna go, whenever you pay. Today I was walking in the university, saw a happy and energetic person in Silvester -the cat- costume beging for money.
It crossed my mind that in a capitalist country even poor people employ charities to go and beg for them. the system just suppresses the sad face of being poor. You just see everyone is happy the one who is beging, yourself who pay a little money and think you have changed the world and the charity which makes money out of it.
But you dont see the reality, you dont think where the money goes because you look at it in a way that there is a system behind that which does not let the money go to waste.

Capitalism is beautiful. You've paid to some people who know how to represent.

Language

Immigrant: He do that.
Audience : That's wrong
Immigrant: He does that

Native: He do that
Audience: That's wrong
Native: fuck off I like to say that. It's my language.

Music

He can never listen to an original music when he walks.
He hears an extra bit in the music.
He has got limp on his leg.

It is not funny anymore

I was telling a story to my cousin in Persian, she was laughing all the time. her friend came so I had to tell the story in english. The guy looked at me and tried to laugh but he could not. 

I Am From Tehran

I am  always enchanted by each roofed place in London. Most of the walls and ceilings are spotless white. you cannot imagine how weird it is if you have not been in Tehran.

Sometimes I think it takes another thirty years to get used to it.