Thursday, 12 May 2016


Every time I read something from Roald Dahl, I decide to start writing! It is like when boys have just watched a Bruce Lee movie. You see them posing a don't-dare-to-fuck-with-me pose, or see them trying to do some flying back kick with burst of sudden scream! You know why? Because both seemed to do this as if they've done nothing, like me sleeping (even walking looks a bit too much) -it so natural that you feel they haven't put any effort.

Have you seen those synchronized swimming? You look at their faces and you think: hah this is the easiest, one can do. Camera zooms in and there they are breathing as if there is no Oxygen left in the air, as if they are about to die. You see Bruce Lee and all his veins pumped up and his face looks like it's about to explode from the pressure, but you still think this is effortless.

No I'm telling you (this is my I-know-everything-side) it is not because it is so smooth that looks natural. It is exactly the opposite, it is too good to be true thus has to be innate in humankind. Every time I read his books -yeah I mean Roald Dahl- I see myself writing them -they are that good;).

And then I come here in this remote corner of internet and open a new page to write something. I start to write and then I would delete them; don't worry at this point I've only written almost the first sentence, when the moment of truth slaps me in the face and point out that my English is not good enough to deliver what I want to deliver. I'd start fighting back these looming thoughts while insisting on writing in English (cannot help it, I'm too stubborn) and finish the first sentence. This is where the big battle begins in my mind, 
- Look what you've written, peace of shit.
-- It comes with practice.
-- By writing like this you'd never get anywhere no matter how much you try you retard.
- You are just jealous, you cannot see someone is actually trying
-- I'm just helping you save some energy
- Yeah you are right (feeling defeated)

I close my laptop and leave thinking: is it true that dreams will come true one day. Then I hear someone shouting from far away: It will but when you are gone.